D3 body, D1 cock
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
