my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
