you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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