This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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