I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
