You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
