You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
