so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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