My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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