and you said cock pushups were impossible
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
