how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
