You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
