you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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