Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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