I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
