I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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