Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
