Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
