That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
