he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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