Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
