I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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