I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
