dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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