If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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