Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
