I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
