Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
