wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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