I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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