His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
