I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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