so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
