took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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