i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
MIDGETS
????
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
