I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
