that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
