I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
