How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
