Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
