Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
