Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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