There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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