I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
