That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
