is your mom at the bar?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
