you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
soo... how was my night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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