O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
