why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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