when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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