Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
