Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
